Emotion regulation for schools

Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and control emotions.

At the lower end, some people experience fewer emotions and when they do, these aren’t experienced strongly, which can easily be mistaken for lack of empathy. Some young people will appear to lack an emotional response when they are ‘masking’, which can lead to a very different experience of the child’s emotional regulation skills when they’re at school or at home. Parents may share that the child or young person is experiencing after school meltdowns.

A child may be fine generally but when an emotion does arise, it can escalate quickly and become very intense. In such intense emotional states, your child’s thought processes tend to be overwhelmed and they could behave in ways you wouldn’t expect. This can include extreme anger and aggression, anxiety and avoidance, sadness and despair, as well as ‘over the top’ happiness and excitement. There are different things that can be tried to support distressed behaviours.

It is important for children to know that all emotions are valid and it is the behaviour used to communicate the emotion that may be distressing for the child and others. Being able to talk about emotions is important as some children will find the vocabulary tricky. It is helpful when adults talk about their own emotions and the different things that support these emotions. Reading books can also develop emotional literacy, talk about different characters in stories focussing on feelings and emotions.

The Zones of Regulation is a social emotional learning curriculum used in many primary schools to support the development of self-awareness and social and emotional skills. It is important to remember that when using specific resources and interventions that individual differences are considered, be curious and ask if the young person associates their emotions with specific colours, and what do they consider to be a huge problem. Personalised resources are great for helping us all to understand, validate, and support each other’s perspectives.

Explore and identify different calming strategies when the child or young person is in a calm regulated state to use in times of distress. Observe them when listening to music, being with friends, doing physical activity, drawing and colouring, helping out, quiet time, or when using sensory tools and incorporate activities that calm and regulate into the school day to support emotional regulation and wellbeing.

Energy accounting can be used to support children and young people manage their emotions and energy levels throughout the day. Look through the young person’s timetable with them and explore each micro transition to gain an understanding of how their feelings change throughout the school day and work together to identify where support is needed so that proactive strategies can be implemented. The Zones of Regulation includes a resource Zones Across the Day which can be explored with individuals.

Emotional regulation skills can be learnt, or expanded on at any age. Co-regulation is a strategy that you likely using in school, it is important to be aware of your own emotions and how these may be affecting the young people you support. Find strategies to support co-regulation in school at can be found at Twinkl website.

To support a distressed young person, reduce demands, simplify language, change the environment, provide time and space, and guide them to calming strategies that work for them. Find ways for the child to address their behaviour later, when they are calm, if necessary. Restorative approaches can help support such redress and conflict.

Visual supports can help some young people to explain their emotions and understand the concept of calm. Comic strip conversations can be used to support consideration of different emotional responses and perspectives of everyone involved in a situation, and social stories can be used to support the understanding of different emotions, triggers and things that may help, examples can be accessed at the Happy Learners website.

Anxiety or worry can leave some young people feeling overwhelmed or numb and make everyday tasks insurmountable. These worries can be about anything and all are relevant to the child and dismissing them can be confusing and upsetting for them. The Mental Health Foundation have produced a free resource on managing anxiety and fear. Information on how to support children when they are feeling anxious in school can be found on the Anna Freud website, tips for managing anxiety can also be found at Young Minds. Creating a worry box or worry monster may help younger children.

Check if behaviour policies or rewards systems are causing distress to children and young people. Do the policies and systems need to be more flexible to account for reasonable adjustments? If a child or young person has done something wrong and this is being communicated on visual class-based reward systems do they know what to do differently next time? Inflexible behaviour policies and rewards systems can cause high levels of distress for children and young people that need support with social skills.

Some further practical suggestions:

• Celebrate difference and the small wins, for example when a child has been kind, helpful, tried something new.
• Identify triggers to emotional dysregulation, observe changes in behaviour and look for opportunities to proactively support regulating emotions using redirection and reducing demands. Ask the child or young person what helps when they are calm to implement when distressed.
• Incorporate exercise and being outside into the daily routine.
• Change the environment, some environments can be a trigger.
• To build understanding of emotions, label your own emotional states and how you think the young person may be feeling by talking out loud. Be curious, and be careful not to tell a child/young person how they feel as we could be wrong.
• If a child is distressed by change or visiting new places, prepare them beforehand. Detail what will happen, when, for how long, and provide communication tools for them to share that they need to take a break.
• Identify a safe or calm space that they can go to.

Useful resources:

• PACE stands for playful, acceptance, curiosity and empathy. It is a way of thinking, feeling, communicating and behaving that aims to make the child feel secure. It is based upon how parents connect with their very young infants. You can find further information on the DDP Network website.
• The ‘Incredible five-point scale’ is a simple tool that can be used to teach self-regulation. The scale was developed to help an individual understand and learn when emotions, voices, or whatever you are moderating is getting out of control. It can be developed with the individual.

 Books:

• This highly recommended book The Huge Bag of Worries book by Virginia Ironside has tips on coping with worries.
• Find Your Calm (Gabi Garcia, 2020)
• The Big Book of Blob Trees (Pip Wilson and Ian Long, 2018).
• 'A Volcano in My Tummy: Helping Children to Handle Anger' is a book providing a clear approach to helping children and adults alike understand and deal constructively with children's anger.
• My Body Sends a Signal – Helping Kids Recognize Emotions and Express Feelings (Natalia Maguire, 2020).
• Anger Management Skills Workbook for Kids is a useful book specifically about the Social Communication, Emotional Regulation and Transactional Support for anger regulation in younger children.
• How to be a Superhero called Self-Control – Super Powers to Help Younger Children to Regulate their Emotions and Senses (Lauren Brukner, 2015)
• Stay Cool and in Control with the Keep-Calm Guru: Wise Ways for Children to Regulate their Senses and Emotions (Lauren Brukner, 2016)
• Starving the Anxiety Gremlin for Children Aged 5 – 9 (Kate Collins-Donnelly, 2014)
• Starving the Anger Gremlin for Children Aged 5 – 9 (Kate Collins-Donnelly, 2014)
• Don’t Worry, Be Happy – A Child’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (Poppy O’Neill, 2018)
• When My Worries Get Too Big – A Relaxation Guide for Children Who Live with Anxiety. (Kari Dunn Buron, 2013).
• No Worries! Mindful Kids: An activity book for children who sometimes feel anxious or stressed (Lily Murray, Katie Abey & Dr Sharie Coombes, 2017)
• Be Positive! Mindful Kids: An activity book for children who want to feel more self-confident (Sharie Coombes & Ellie O’Shea, 2020)