Empathising, also known as social intent, is the ability to make sense of the world in terms of emotions and feelings. To be able to understand and share someone else’s feelings and feel motivated to act to help. Empathy is about being able to put yourself in another person’s position and be able to feel what they might feel in a situation.
Systemising also referred to as logical intent, is the ability to make sense of the world in terms of logic, rules, and systems. It refers to an interest or skill in understanding and creating systems, routines, patterns, or rules. Systemising people see the logic of the world, they focus on facts, patterns, and rules. Those who have high systematising qualities may be more interested in their own feelings than in other persons.
Some children may, at times, experience difficulties with empathy. As a result, they might seem uncaring and not react appropriately in certain situations, misread social situations and/or come across as selfish and uncaring. Modelling how they might react when someone is experiencing a particular emotion may help them understand how they can help or comfort the other person. Comic strip conversations are a tool that can help young people understand this skill. Don’t assume because a child/young person does not express empathy that they are not feeling it, do regularly check ins to see how they are feeling. There are three types of empathy:
- Emotional empathy - the ability to experience and feel another person’s emotions.
- Cognitive empathy - the ability to understand how others think and feel.
- Compassionate empathy - involves having a desire and motivation to act after understanding another’s emotions to help them in some way.
People are not born with empathy; babies do not know how to recognise emotions in other people until they are at least six months old. Children begin to develop cognitive empathy around the age of two to three-years-old. However, the ability to fully grasp and interpret emotions continues to develop throughout childhood and adolescence, with children developing this skills at different rates. Labelling your own emotions can help as can sharing how it feels to be calm.
Systemising young people have a heightened interest in and attention to systems, patterns, routines, and rules. They may be able to intensely focus and have very specific interests. Abstract concepts may be more challenging for them as they prefer a literal interpretation of the world, which includes things you say. Be aware of this when speaking to a child who is systematic as confusion and distrust can occur when you have used irony or metaphor and they have taken this as a literal truth. This logical thinking and attention to detail may lead to them finding change difficult.
It is important for children to have the opportunity to practice other ways of thinking. This could be through mixing with a range of peers, in different clubs, join a drama class, talking about current affairs or volunteering as a family. Cartoon strips can also help young people with this further learning.
Useful resources
Books to read to your child
- ‘The Little Prince’ by Antoine de Saint-Exupery
- ‘We’re All Wonders’ by R. J. Palacio
- ‘A Friend for Henry’ by Jenn Bailey
- ‘The Invisible Boy’ by Trudy Ludwig
- ‘Just Because’ by Rebecca Elliott
- ‘Empathy Is Your Superpower’ by Cori Bussolari
- ‘I Am Human: A Book of Empathy’ by Susan Verde
- ‘Be Kind’ by Pat Zietlow Miller
- ‘What Is Empathy?: A Bullying Storybook for Kids’ by Amanda Morin
- ‘Listening with My Heart: A Story of Kindness and Self-Compassion” by Gabi Garcia
- ‘Charlotte’s Web’ by E.B.White
- ‘The One and Only Ivan’ by Katherine Applegate
Books that families might find helpful
- ‘Lost at School’ by Ross W. Greene
- ‘The Whole-Brain Child’ by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
Videos