Emotional regulation means managing your feelings so you can stay calm and respond in a balanced way. If you understand your feelings, it may be easier to stay calm when upset, and react to situations in a balanced way. This helps with stress, problem-solving and getting along with others. Everyone feels lots of emotions every day and sometimes you might feel more than one at the same time.
If you experience fewer emotions or don’t show emotions strongly, this may be mistaken by others.
If you hide your feelings or mask, it can be hard to share your emotions. You may be fine generally but sometimes emotions can build up and feel really intense. These intense emotional states can mean your thought processes may be overwhelmed. You might feel intense anger, anxiety, avoidance, sadness and despair, or happiness and excitement.
It is ok to feel different emotions but some reactions can cause stress for you or others. Things like hormones, social pressure and growing independence can also affect emotions.
What helps?
When you’re calm, your body feels relaxed with slower breathing, relaxed muscles and clear thoughts. If you’re not sure what calms you, try things like:
- listening to music
- hanging out with friends
- colouring or drawing
- playing games
- grounding exercises
- exercise or going for a walk
- watching a favourite show.
Here are some helpful guides to emotional regulation with strategies that may support you. The Window of tolerance may be a useful way to think about how you experience and manage emotions. Add calming activities to your daily routine to help manage emotions.
If you start feeling stressed or upset:
- Change what you’re doing or move to a quieter space.
- Take a break.
- Do something you enjoy.
- Ask a trusted adult or friend for support.
- Try a movement break.
It also helps to know what triggers your emotions so you can plan what to do next. Everyone is different, so find what works for you. It is useful to know the triggers to different emotions as this will help you to identify what you can do differently next. Happy learners share social stories to support different feelings and thoughts.
Feeling worried? You’re not alone.
Worry can make you feel stressed or leave you feeling overwhelmed or numb and everyday things might seem too hard. Everyone worries sometimes: about exams, friendships, fitting in, the future, or making mistakes.
The important thing is knowing where to get help. Childline has great advice and resources, and you can also find support at Kent Family. Talking about your worries really helps. You could try making a worry box or keeping a worry journal.
Things that might help you feel calmer:
- Celebrate small wins – write them down in a diary or journal.
- Get moving and go outside – exercise and fresh air can boost your mood.
- Change your space – sometimes a different environment helps.
- Talk to someone you trust – a parent, carer, teacher or friend.
Remember, emotions can be hard to handle on your own – even for adults. If you need support, speak to a trusted adult.
- Need to talk now? Here are some places to call:
- Child Line – free advice and someone to talk to, 24/7. Call 0800 1111 or chat online.
- Samaritans – 24/7 confidential support if you’re feeling really low or distressed. Email jo@samaritans.org or call 116 123, 24/7.
- Children and Young People’s Mental Health Services for under 18s 24/7 helpline
- Kent: 0800 011 3474
- Medway: 0300 300 1981
Useful resources:
- Emotional Well-being Pack for ages 13 – 18 from Barnados.
- A Self-Help Workbook for Young People in Secondary School on Anger.
- Kooth a free online space with support and counselling for young people.
- What are these things called emotions anyway?! – A young person’s guide to understanding and coping with emotions.
- Anxiety Management – Self Help Workbook.
- Health for Teens – local website for teens.
- Self-Regulation Workbook for Teens – Navigating Emotions: Empowering Teens with Tools for Self-Regulation.
- Thrive – A Workbook for Adolescent Mental Health and Wellbeing.
- Window of Tolerance – Clarity Counselling Ilkley
- Video to support Handling Rejection.
- Talking Therapies Workbook – A cognitive restructuring self-help guide
Books
- “No Worries - How to Deal with Teenage Anxiety” – Nicola Morgan (2023).
- 'A Tween Girls Guide to Feelings and Emotions – Mastering Self-Love and Building Self-Esteem. The Essential Emotional Wellness Handbook” – Abby Swift (2024).
- “Emotions for Teens and Tweens: The 1st visual book on emotional intelligence for teens and tweens told through infographics” – Ivi Green (2024).