Waiting Well

Thank you for your referral to the Children and Young People’s Counselling Service. Please be assured you / or your young person will be seen as soon as a counsellor becomes available.

Following Kent County Council’s public consultation and as part of a gradual transition toward the eventual closure of our service, we are operating at a reduced capacity. This means that fewer appointment slots are available and as a result, wait times for counselling sessions may be longer than usual.

We have selected some websites and resources that might be helpful while you wait.

Managing feelings

It’s important to understand that all emotions are valid but some responses to those emotions may cause yourself and others distress. Feelings can be complex. We don't all experience the same emotions at the same time, and they are always changing. Everyone reacts to their feelings differently. For children and young people, it can be hard to describe or name what they're feeling, or they might not understand why they feel the way they do. Adolescence is the time of rapid change. Hormonal and developmental changes have a natural impact on how young people feel about their world as well as how they express themselves. Teenagers’ feelings can become very intense and seem really important to them.

To manage or regulate our emotions, it's crucial to first understand what you're feeling. Children and young people might experience a mix of emotions all at once—like feeling happy, sad, excited, and bored simultaneously—which can be confusing. Focusing on one feeling at a time and connecting it to an event, person, or experience can help. For example, feeling happy because you have a fun trip planned or feeling sad because your plans are cancelled.

Working on ways to understand and express emotions could be helpful. There are also ways to support your child when they’re distressed:

Regulate yourself.
Get close and / or make eye contact.
Listen to your child.
Be curious and seek to understand.
Show empathy.
Listen again.
Offer warm affection.

Here are some helpful guides to emotional regulation and co-regulation with more strategies to support you and your child.

We have also added a range of resources and advice for the most common emotions that young people requesting counselling might be experiencing.

Anger

Anger and frustration are normal and everyone gets cross from time-to-time. Anger becomes a problem when it makes us unhappy or starts to affect our relationships or is expressed through destructive behaviour towards ourselves or others.

Children and young people often express emotions like worry, fear, or sadness as anger because they find it hard to communicate their feelings. Talking about our emotions can help reduce anger. Young Minds have some great tips around helping a child with anger issues or you can also visit our anger page for more support.

Anxieties

Worries are a normal part of life. Anxiety becomes a problem when it affects our behaviour and thoughts day-to-day, interfering with our lives at home and school. Anxieties can leave some young people feeling overwhelmed, numb and make everyday tasks feel impossible. These worries can be about anything and all are relevant to the child and dismissing them can be upsetting for them. Creating a worry box or worry monster can help with conversations about worries. Childline has some great resources for supporting young people dealing with worry and anxiety or you can also visit our anxiety page for more support.

Low mood

Self-esteem

We get messages that affect our self-esteem from friends, family, school and from TV and social media. Some children will naturally think negatively about themselves, others set high standards that are impossible to reach. Sometimes children just have a feeling that they can’t live up to their own or other people’s expectations. Personality can also affect self-esteem. For information on supporting your child's self-esteem, visit our self-esteem page or check out resources from Young Minds and Big Life Journal.

Body image and eating

Children might start to worry they need to look a certain way, feeling sad or anxious if they believe they don’t match up to expectations. This can lead to them having lower levels of confidence, increased anxiety, negative thoughts about themselves, feeling withdrawn and even self-harming or controlling what they eat. There is lots of useful support and information on our body image and eating page.

Gender identity and expression / sexual orientation

Exploring your sexuality, gender or identity can feel overwhelming. Being supportive and communicating openly with your child can really help them during this time. Children express their gender identity at different ages and in different ways. If your child questions their gender identity or comes out as transgender or non-binary, you might feel unsure, upset, or find it hard to talk to their school or family. Remember, transitioning or questioning gender identity can be stressful and lonely. Your child may worry about acceptance and how others will react. Your support is crucial. For more information visit our LGBTQ and developing identity pages

Self-harm

Self-harm is when someone deliberately hurts themselves, normally as a way of managing or controlling strong emotions. Self-harm includes cutting, bruising or burning, punching and pulling hair. Listen to their thoughts and feelings calmly and without judgement. Be patient and find a communication style which your child is comfortable with, maybe writing notes of texting if they don’t want to talk. You can find more including coping strategies at our self-harm page.

If you feel that you / your young person is at immediate risk, go straight to your local A&E or call 999.

Bereavement

Children need to find a way of expressing their own feelings about death and missing a special person or pet. Grief is a process of accepting the reality of what has happened, learning to live with the loss and working around the pain. It's not about forgetting the person who has gone. There are no rules to grieving, and there is no set timescale for how long the feelings will last. You can find more including coping strategies at our bereavement page.

We hope you found the information and resources helpful. If you need further support or advice, please contact us at 0300 123 5205 to request a call back. A member of our team will be happy to speak with you.

Useful resources for children and young people

Health for Teens provides health information and advice directly to young people.
Kooth is a free online mental health and wellbeing service for young people aged 10 to 25. It’s a place to get advice, information and support 24/7. Watch their video to understand how Kooth can support your child with their mental health and wellbeing.
Access org.uk to learn about mental health and find tips and resources to keep emotionally healthy.
Good Health Matters is a great website which can help support a child or young person to make small changes to support their mental health.
Child Line has help and advice about a wide range of issues and you can talk to a counsellor online or phone 0800 1111. Childline is open 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.
Samaritans provide confidential emotional support for people who are experiencing feelings of distress, despair or suicidal thoughts. Available 24 hours a day at jo@samaritans.org / 116 123.
Children and Young Peoples Mental Health Services for under 18s 24-hour phoneline for Kent: 0800 011 3474 / Medway: 0300 300 1981
ChatHealth is a text service for 11-19 year-olds. Young people can text with a member of our team about any physical or emotional health concerns they have. This service is available Monday to Friday, 9am on 07520 618850. This service is confidential and anonymous.
SHOUT - If you are anxious, worried or stressed you can text SHOUT to 85258 for free 24/7 support from trained volunteers. Messages are confidential and anonymous.
Live Well Kent is a free service for anyone over 17, with information to help you improve your mental and physical health and wellbeing.
Young Minds has a crisis messenger, for free 24/7 support if you are experiencing a mental health crisis – text YM to 85258. All texts are answered by trained volunteers, with support from experienced clinical supervisors.
Stem 4 is a mental health charity for children and young people. They have five evidence-based mental health apps that support various mental health conditions.
The Mix Counselling Service is suitable for you if you are looking for short-term help with your mental health and emotional wellbeing and are aged 25 years old and under.
There is a new online hub for neurodivergent people of all ages in Kent and Medway to find support for learning disabilities, autism and ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). You’ll find information and links to local and national support for children, young people and adults living in Kent and Medway.
Understanding your teenager's brainis a free online course for anyone caring for a teenager in Kent and there is also a course for teenagers themselves.

Useful resources for parents and carers

Young Minds offers excellent advice and resources. They also have a parent helpline with expert advice and a crisis messenger for free 24/7 support across the UK. If you're experiencing a mental health crisis, call 0808 802 5544 or text YM to 85258. All texts are answered by trained volunteers, supported by experienced clinical supervisors.
Understanding your teenager's brain is a free online course for anyone caring for a teenager in Kent and there is also a course for teenagers themselves.
Understanding your child's mental health and wellbeing
Understanding the impact of the pandemic on your teenager helps you understand how the COVID pandemic may have affected your teenager emotionally. It may take you about 20 minutes to complete.
Understanding your relationships: A course for adults, young people, and older adults covering communication, anger, conflict, repair and more.
Action for Children has advice and activities to support children and parents with their mental health and emotional well-being. They have a live chat service for parents from experienced parenting coaches.
There is a new online hub for neurodivergent people of all ages in Kent and Medway to find support for learning disabilities, autism and ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). You’ll find information and links to local and national support for children, young people and adults living in Kent and Medway.
BEAT is the UK’s eating disorder charity and their mission is to end the pain and suffering caused by eating disorders.
Family Lives provides early intervention and crisis support to families.
Samaritans- provide confidential emotional support for people who are experiencing feelings of distress, despair or suicidal thoughts. Available 24 hours a day at jo@samaritans.org / 116 123.
Mental Health Matters – phone 0800 107 0160 for 24hr phone support from compassionate helpline staff, trained in counselling skills.

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