Self-harm is when someone deliberately hurts themselves, normally as a way of managing very strong emotions. A young person might self-harm because they are being bullied, experiencing trauma and/or general emotional distress. Letting other people know what’s happening can help you get the support you and your child need. Remember, you’re not alone.
What are the signs of self-harm?
- Cuts, bruises or burns.
- Pulling out their hair or picking their skin.
- Hitting or punching themselves or objects.
- Keeping covered up, even in warm weather.
How can I help my child?
- It’s important to let them know you are willing to listen to their thoughts and feelings calmly first of all.
- If they don’t want to talk, be patient and suggest other ways of communication, like texting or writing notes.
- Try talking while doing another activity like cooking or walking together.
- Reassure your child that you are not judging them.
- Ask your child or young person if they want to talk to someone else, like a GP, a counsellor, a favourite teacher or a trusted adult who they know.
- Encourage them to think positively about the future, and how things could get better.
- Help them to explore any goals they want to set.
If you feel that your child or young person is at immediate risk, go straight to your local A&E or call 999.
Coping strategies
- Help your child develop distraction techniques, like listening to music or playing video games, drawing and colouring.
- Try breathing techniques to de-stress.
- Make plans with friends or family. It's good to have things to look forward to.
- Find alternatives to self-harm when your child has anxious feelings. Getting active with a walk or some sport can help. Using the senses can help distract. Use a favourite hand or body lotion. Playing with elastic bands can help, as can ripping up paper, and even eating spicy foods. Holding soft toys or focusing on the objects in the room and thinking about what they look, sound, smell, taste and feel like.
- Calm Harm is a free app that helps people manage or resist the urge to self-harm.
- Always be prepared to take care of wounds with wipes and plasters available and get medical help if needed.
Families who might need further support
Some children and young people need further support to help them learn how to cope with their feelings. The National Autistic Society has some guidance around self-harm. Cerebra has some support for parents with children with an intellectual disability to understand what self-injury is, what the causes are and which interventions are effective.
Kent School Health offers one-to-one support based on your child’s unique needs. Visit our special educational needs or neurodivergence page for more information on the support available for you and your child.
Useful resources
- Get in touch with your GP or Kent School Health for more advice or support.
- Mind and Body in Kent supports children and young adults over the age of 13 who are self-harming, at risk of self-harming or struggling with their mental wellbeing.
- Young Minds has a free helpline and webchat service available to parents as well as a parents' guide to self-harm.