Managing family life is a challenge. You have less time for your own needs as well as dealing with everything parenting throws at you: sleepless night with a newborn, toddler upsets or another bout of illness. Sometimes having a baby can make parents and carers feel lonely or disconnected from old friends or that they've lost their identity. Parenting might just be different to what you expected it to be.
Everyone has good days and bad days when it comes to parenting but if you start to feel overwhelmed by the demands on you or and are finding life a struggle there is support out there for you. There are little things we can all do to help look after our mental health including moving more every day, practising mindfulness, doing more feel-good things for yourself, staying physically healthy, getting enough sleep and talking about how you feel.
Having good mental health helps us relax and enjoy our lives more. Every Mind Matters has expert advice and practical tips to help you look after your mental health and wellbeing. Take the Mind Quiz to get a plan with simple wellbeing tips and more support online.
Be open with friends and family about how your feeling is important. Reach out to your GP or health visitor if you feel you're having lots of bad days.
It's very common to feel mixed emotions after giving birth.
Even if your birth was uncomplicated, you may be finding adjusting to becoming a parent to your newborn a struggle at times. If things were difficult in labour and you or your baby needed emergency assistance or there was birth trauma, you may need extra support to cope with what has happened.
Some parents may fall in love with their baby during pregnancy or as soon as they're born but others need more time to build up that special closeness. The more you hold, feed and talk to your baby, the closer you will feel to them. Find out more about ways to bond with your baby.
The early weeks can be overwhelming. You'll make lots of beautiful memories with your baby but they'll be lots of exhausting and messy times too. You'll be recovering from the birth, you and baby will be learning to breastfeed if that's what you've chosen to do, all with little sleep.
The first week or so after your baby arrives, it's common for parents to get the 'baby blues' with symptoms including:
- feeling emotional and bursting into tears for no apparent reason
- feeling irritable or touchy
- low mood
- anxiety and restlessness.
These feelings usually go away after a few days and you'll start to feel like yourself again.
Some babies cry more than others and this can cause a lot of stress for parents. You can find more information in our 'Coping with crying' section.
Most people get the 'baby blues' but these should pass. If your feelings are still making your day-to-day life difficult or hard to cope with, this may be a sign you need more support.
One in five women will develop perinatal mental health problems such as anxiety or depression in the time from being pregnant and after they have had their baby. It also effects around one in ten dads and partners as well.
Having a mental health issue doesn't mean you don't love or care for your baby but if you continue to feel that way, it can make it harder for you to enjoy being with your baby and responding to them.
Reaching out for support from your GP or health visitor is one of the bravest and best things you can do for you and your baby.
You and your partner can talk about how your feeling when your health visitor comes to visit you at home at 10 to 14 days and again at six to eight-week visits.
Your health visitor will ask you some questions at every appointment to check in with you regarding your emotional wellbeing. These are:
- During the last month, have you been bothered by feeling down, depressed or hopeless?
- Yes
- No.
- During the last month, have you been bothered by having little interest or pleasure in doing things?
- Yes
- No.
- Over the last two weeks, how often have you been bothered by feeling nervous, anxious or on edge?
- Not at all - 0
- Several days - 1
- More than half the
days - 2 - Nearly every day - 3.
- Over the last two weeks, how often have you been bothered by not being able to stop or control worrying?
- Not at all - 0
- Several days - 1
- More than
half the days - 2 - Nearly every day- 3.
At your 6 to 8 weeks health visitor appointment, you will be asked some more detailed questions around your emotional health and wellbeing to understand
Contact your health visitor, midwife or GP if you are worried about you or your partner's mental health. Health visitors are trained to support you and will not judge you. They'll start by asking you some questions about how you feel to make sure you get the best support for you. Most perinatal mental health problems are temporary and parents progress and recover well with treatment.
We spoke with five local women about their experience of perinatal mental health issues. These women wanted to empower other families to seek help and let them know that things can get better. The women talk about their experiences during pregnancy and after their children arrived, along with mental health triggers including suicidal thoughts and support they received. If you have any of these feelings please contact your GP or Health Visiting Team. The topics discussed in this recording are sensitive in nature; if you feel uncomfortable or distressed you can stop listening at any time. You can find more support options at the bottom of the page.
Useful resources
- The NHS website has useful information on where to get urgent help for mental health.
- Find talking therapies near you at NHS talking therapies
- Samaritans is a registered charity aimed at providing emotional support to anyone in emotional distress, struggling to cope, or at risk of suicide. Visit the Samaritans website or call 116 123 (24-hour emergency helpline).
- Mind, provides advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem.
- Kent and Medway NHS and Social Care Partnership Trust provide mental health services across Kent and Medway. You can call their free 24-hour helpline on 0800 783 9111if you need urgent mental health support, advice and guidance.
- Make Birth Better is an organisation supporting families effected by birth trauma.
- Tommy's: mental health before, during and after pregnancy. 0800 0147800 midwife@tommys.org, Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm.
- Kent and Medway Clinical Commissioning Group provides an online Mental wellbeing information hub that has useful information for parent and carers.
- PATH is an EU-funded project that aims to enable women, families and healthcare professionals to prevent, diagnose and successfully manage mild to moderate perinatal mental health issues.
- You can talk to a trained and caring team 24/7 via the the Release the Pressure service. Text the word
'Kent' to 85258 or call freephone 0800 107 0160. Find more information at www.releasethepressure.uk. - Citizens Advice provides dedicated confidential and impartial money advice to new or soon-to-be parents if you're struggling with your money and mental health.