Congratulations on becoming a parent! Many dads and partners feel a lot of pressure to be the family 'rock' but carving out time for your own needs is important, too.
Becoming a family or welcoming a new child will change the dynamics of the relationship with your partner. One of the main challenges after childbirth is feeling tired and having less time for each other's needs. Some parents find this transition difficult; feeling left out or resentful. You've got less time to relax or socialise. Finances can also be a stress for parents, one parent might feel financially dependent while the other feels a pressure to provide.
It can help to talk to each other about how you are feeling and talk about issues before they build up. The NHS has more information about changes in your relationships after having a baby.
Get involved with your partner's pregnancy and bond with your child even before they're born. It'll help you feel connected to your partner and child and make the transition to parenthood easier for you.
- Give you partner a foot rub or massage, talk to your baby in the womb, take photos and tell your partner how beautiful they are.
- Gentle exercise such as walking or swimming together is good.
- Go to antenatal appointments with your partner and plan your route to hospital - make sure your car is in good working order or keep local taxi numbers to hand.
- Be proactive around the house and take on more physical tasks, make extra portions when you're cooking that you can freeze and use when baby arrives.
- Check what benefits you are entitled to - look at any benefits, parental leave or support with childcare you're both entitled to. Getting this sorted before the baby arrives and knowing your budget for the next few months will make things much easier.
- It's hard to anticipate how much a baby will impact on your life for you and your partner and the weeks after you have a baby can feel overwhelming. The NCT has some top tips to make coping with a newborn easier. If you think about your typical day with your work, hobbies and rest and sleep, imagine a typical day with a newborn with eight to 12 feeds in 24 hours, alongside changing nappies, getting them clean and dressed, helping them get settled and off to sleep multiple times a day and you start to see how your days might go by in a complete blur.
Your baby has arrived. Congratulations! This is the exciting moment you have been waiting for. Every baby is different and however you imagine life will be once baby arrives, there will no doubt be happy surprises as well as challenges along the way.
Visit Bump, Birth and Beyond to find out more about the first weeks with your baby and care you will receive from the midwifery services. How long it takes your partner to recover from the birth will depending on the type of birth she had, the support you have around you, and her general health and wellbeing.
The NHS website has some great tips for new parents, including how to bath your baby. Our Born to Move app takes you on a journey from pregnancy through to your child being ready for school.
DadPad is an easy-to-use resource for new dads giving you the practical skills and knowledge you need to create a special bond with your baby and give them the best start in life. It also provides guidance on how to support and seek help for your partner and yourself as you adjust to your new roles.
It's important for you to be understanding, supportive and patient during this time. If you are worried that your relationship is changing, try communicating how you are feeling to your partner. It's important to realise that both of you are making major adjustments to your life and not compare who's had the worst day. Being open about how you are feeling which will help to maintain that closeness in your relationship.
Take each day at a time and you'll be surprised how quickly you adapt to being parents. You can always get in touch with your local Health Visiting Team for support.
Being a new dad is an amazing experience but it’s also exhausting. It’s something no-one can prepare you for. And at the end of a long day, there’s nothing more satisfying than to collapse on the sofa but following safe sleep advice is really important to keep your child safe at night. Sadly more than 130 babies die in the UK every year as a result of unsafe sleeping.
Having a baby will affect your sex life. You may find that your partner is less interested in having sex or being intimate. Remember tiredness, stress and exhaustion will affect yours and your partner's libido. When you've settled into a routine with your baby, reintroduce some quality time with your partner. Sometimes intimacy can take longer to return particularly if your baby or toddler takes time to settle at night. Utilising friends and family to babysit can give you both a well-deserved break. The NHS website has useful information on sex in pregnancy, relationships after having a baby, and sex and intimacy.
It is important to consider contraception after birth of your baby as it is possible for your partner to become pregnant again straight away. This means finding the contraception that is right for both of you. The Kent and Medway Sexual Health Service can support with contraception or visit your GP.
No matter how you are feeding your baby, your Health Visiting Team will support you and help you build a close and loving bond with your newborn. Visit our 'Feeding your baby' section for more support.
Fathers and partners play a key role however your baby is fed, this really is a team effort.
- Encourage your partner, this will boost her confidence and keep her motivated. Like any new skill, reassurance and praise really help.
- Be involved with your baby in other ways such as bath time, play, changing and bedtime so that the caring is shared and you get lots of chances to bond.
- Do the household chores so your partner can feed baby for as long and as often as they need.
- Encourage your partner to eat and drink regularly.
- Watch some of our Facebook live videos, you could start with our video looking at ways you can support your breastfeeding loved one.
- Visit #BesideYou for information and details of local support.
- Ask family and friends for help.
If you are bottle feeding your baby with expressed breast milk or infant formula, these tips will help you keep your baby safe and healthy.
Babies are drawn to faces and will often stare at you and try to interact from birth. In the early weeks your baby will only be able to focus on things about 20cm away. You are their best guide and entertainer. Your baby will learn so much from looking at your face. Lots of interaction with you will help their brain to grow and to help them to feel secure and loved. Skin-to-skin cuddles release oxytocin in baby and parent, which will help you feel close and connected. Bonding is a gradual process and it can take days, weeks or months to build that special closeness.
Your baby's brain is about 25 per cent developed at birth and it is in the first two years of life when most brain growth occurs. Physical activity and freedom to move are essential for your baby's brain to grow as it should. One of our Health Visitors Gemma Sibley, shares the importance of communicating with your baby and baby brain development in this handy video.
Remember to follow safe sleep advice for your baby from the Lullaby Trust.
Families in Kent and Medway can access a free online course called 'Understanding your baby.' This is for everyone around a new baby, supporting you and the new arrival from birth to 12 months. This course gives you information about your baby's brain development and your baby's physical and emotional development. It shows how important your relationship with the baby is for the baby's development. Use the access code Invicta to register for your free account. This 'Brain Builders' video explains how experiences in the first years of our lives affect how our brains form.
Some parents really struggle to cope with their baby crying. ICON has lots of information and videos about crying and ways to calm a baby down.
ICON stands for
I - Infant crying Is normal
C - Comforting methods can help
O - Its ok to walk away
N - Never, ever shake a baby
You and your partner can talk about how your feeling when your health visitor comes to visit you at home at 10 to 14 days and again at six to eight-week visits.
Having a baby makes you think about your own experiences as a child and how you were parented. Take the positive experiences you had as a child and try these with your own children.
If you had an absent parent or a difficult relationship with a parent you may find you start to recall difficult memories or feelings of your own childhood. You might start to doubt yourself as a parent. These feelings are normal and you're not alone. Children need to feel loved, listened to and spend quality time with their parent or carer. They also need consistency and stability in their daily lives for them to feel safe which will help them thrive and reach their full potential. As your baby grows, you will find you gain confidence in your parenting ability. Your relationship with your child becomes stronger as you spend time caring for them. Around six weeks most babies start to smile, this is an important milestone for many parents and carers as they start to feel that they are getting some interaction back from their baby which helps you bond.
If you experienced trauma in childhood including living in a household with abuse, domestic violence, substance misuse or mental illness or feeling unloved or unwanted, you may feel that you are struggle as a parent. If you are finding things difficult, there is help available through Early Help.
Your health visitor is here to support you too.
Families can also access three online courses on coping with stress, communicating better wherever you are in your parenting journey and whether you are in a relationship or separated.
- Arguing better - how to approach disagreements.
- Me, you and baby too - how to navigate the changes that happen in a relationship when a new baby arrives.
- Getting it right for children - how to minimise conflict and the impact it can have on your children when you are separating or have split up.
Visit www.oneplusone.org.uk, select Kent as your area and set up an account with a username and password.
You need a smartphone, tablet or computer and an internet connection to access the courses. They are all free to access.
If these courses raise any concerns please contact your local Health Visiting Team or School Health Team for more support.
Every baby is different and however you imagine life will be once baby arrives, there will no doubt be both challenges and happy surprises. The Kent Heath Visiting Service has prepared a short video on becoming a parent you may find useful.
Useful resources
- Bump, Birth and Beyond is packed with friendly and helpful advice for parents-to-be in Kent and Medway on pregnancy, birth and the first days of parenting.
- The NHS website has some great tips for new parents.
- Born to Move app - encouraging play and interaction to help the learning and development of your baby's brain at this early stage, building the foundations for a healthy, confident child.
- Understanding your baby - free online course for anyone who is caring for a baby in Kent, with information about baby's brain development and your baby's physical and emotional development. Use the access code Invicta to register for an account.
- Our emotional wellbeing pages can support you if you or your partner are struggling with your mental health or emotional wellbeing.
- Download the DadPad app, a great source of information whether this is your first baby or you're already a father. Packed full of advice, tips and ideas for your new role, it's one of the best ways to get prepared for the changes your new baby will bring. The team at DadPad are also working with same-sex partners to develop a tailored app, and we look forward to launching this when it is ready.
- One You Kent advisors can support you if you want to go smoke free or lose weight. Please call 0300 123 1220 or email oneyoukent@nhs.net for more information. Kent County Council has more information about local drug and alcohol services.