Difficult behaviour often comes from difficult feelings that your child is trying to communicate to you. Helping them understand themselves will over time mean they are able to deal with those difficult emotions in a better way.
Your child wants to be more independent and express themselves but can’t always tell you what they want or understand why the answer may be no to their request. This can lead to frustration, upset and tantrums. Toddlers and young children display difficult behaviour when they're tired, hungry, overexcited, frustrated or bored so trying to avoid these situations is helpful.
All toddlers test limits and have tantrums. Your child’s brain is still developing and there’s a limit to how much they’re able to control their emotions. Remember that behaviour in toddlers, which we might have called naughty in the past, is actually quite normal and part of growing up.
Parenting that is warm, compassionate and consistent is more likely to be effective at managing children’s behaviours than 'strict' parenting. Staying calm and supporting the child through their difficult feelings is key.
- Explain and name your child’s emotions for them – “I know you’re feeling sad.”
- Encourage your child to discuss their feelings.
- Model appropriate behaviour.
- Share one-to-one time with your child where they can play with you with no distractions.
- Praise behaviours you want to see and ignore the ones you don’t want.
The Kent Health Visiting Team has put together a narrated PowerPoint on tantrums and how to manage this time.
Family links offers some useful tips on giving praise effectively, steps for empathy and time to calm down. Family lives gives ideas on understanding and dealing with tantrums, setting boundaries and dealing with aggressive behaviour in toddlers.
Quality sleep is essential for children’s growth and development. A good night’s sleep will help them wake up ready to learn and more able to manage their emotions. It should help make them less susceptible to minor illnesses, less irritable and better behaved. The Sleep Charity has tips and advice for good sleep at any age including helping you create a routine for your child at night and for naps.
If you have any concerns regarding your child’s behaviour. Please contact your Health Visiting Team.
Useful resources
- The NSPCC provides a useful guide for positive parenting.
- Family links offers some useful tips on giving praise effectively, steps for empathy and time to calm down.
- The Sleep Charity has tips and advice for good sleep at any age including helping you create a routine for your child at night and for naps.
- The Institute for Health Visiting have useful resources on supporting sleep habits in children with additional needs